actually i really hate to express my deepest emotion to public. but there are things that have troubled my mind for months. i hate to say it, but i am really unhappy right now.

i ask forgiveness to God for it seems that i am very lack of gratitude, but i think He knows that i have tried my best to live my current life happily. unfortunately, i just can’t hold it anymore, i guess. just one thing for sure, the more i tried to enjoy what i’m doing now, the more i’m in pain inside. the stupid thing is, in my full consciousness sanity i know that i’m the only one who can stop it all. i just don’t brave enough to do it.

i have two choices to end it. one way lead me to my dream. the other way lead me to my stepping stone to reach my dream. right now, i’m praying to God to let me have the first way. it’s the safest way out i guess. i don’t need to hurt anyone’s feeling. but that way is not under my control. honestly, i don’t have enough confidence to be able to achieve it. however, if at the end, only the last option left, i’m afraid i have to hurt some people…especially people that i love so much…in a very hurting way for me, too.

i know that all my friends will probably get tired of me really soon if i keep being like this, half insane.

but i think the best thing to do now is to hold on a little longer…just try to keep breathing, make my brain busy busy busy that it won’t take a notice of my burning in pain heart.

as a true believer, i leave it all to God now.


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