when the world drives you crazy

The world is going in a very slow motion for me recently, like i hear the clock ticking in an amazingly slow tempo tic…tic…tic…It really drives me nuts!

This is what happen when i’m less preoccupied. It’s a very ironic thing for me that outside there, there’re thousands of unemployment craving for jobs (one of them is my own best friend), while here i’m paid -well enough- but lack of work. It feels terribly uncomfortable. I just don’t know why they’ve been keeping me all these time. I am handling a project now, but furniture work just leave me half a day free, everyday, since there’re carpenters who actually do the job. Supervising is no big deal, half a day is always enough. This kind of life is terribly boring and puts me in a long depression.

My sister told me to hold on until i get a new job. Well, that’s logical. She said I should be grateful for whatever i have now. Hmm, that’s quite hard because i keep feeling guilty. It’s just not right. So, i’ve been applying for another job and hopefully they’ll gonna give me a response pretty soon.

Surely i’m in a stressful condition. Maybe for you it’s funny because from your perspective, i shouldn’t have anything to make me stressful. But if you were me, you’re so aware that your sanity is slowly but sure degrading. I have lots of free time but i cannot do many things while actually i have a lot of things to do out side my primary job. I have 2 writings await and a blog plus a website to keep up date. I cannot do them in the office since my computer screen is exactly in the middle of public area. Doing nothing makes me look bad, doing something else that’s not my “official work” makes me look bad too. And that situation is so depressing. I’m not productive and just wasting time. And when i get home, i’m already exhausted physically (from the journey–traffic jam blablabla) and mentally (from the stress).

Oh Dear God,,,i must be out of my mind exposing myself to the public this clearly…

someone please help me.. 😦


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