I’m Not Gonna Ask Why

Just yesterday I tried to lift up my mood by spending the day with my friends enjoying the city, hopping from one place to another…it was fun.

But drinking 3 glasses of different kind of teas the whole day had caused me having a total sleepless night. I couldn’t sleep at all, no matter how hard I tried to close my eyes.
But the teas were not the only reason I couldn’t sleep I guess. Something was troubling my mind but I didn’t know what. It’s one of those things I often get. I usually call it an intense hunch.

I finally got the answer in the morning and it was not good…like DAMN not good.

I’m not gonna ask why to God. No. I’m just going to beg God to stop this whole test. I don’t think I can take it anymore…

I really want to break down and cry and yell at some particular people very very much right in this moment…but my rationality keeps holding me not to do that. I cannot waste such a great amount of energy just for doing those useless things while I have lots of things to do. Crying never solves anything and it’s the top list DONTS when you’re in crisis. A clear mind is important in this situation and crying will just make things blurry inside out. The sooner you work things out, the sooner the problem’s solved and the sooner you’re out of pain.

I can be strong. But please Dear God, please…enough for this series of tests. I know I can be strong, but I don’t know for how long… If You want me to be a better person, I will be a better person, at least i’m gonna try my very best. Just give me a chance, but please…please please please, make it enough for now.

The feeling of being abandoned and betrayed is so familiarly hurt. The sincere love is paid with…not even a proper goodbye??? Dang it, it’s so dejavu.

However, I’m not gonna ask why…


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