Spending two whole months at home was great! The hardest part was of course the going-away again (especially with the professor’s super late e-mail reply incident). But I’ve been handling it so good so far. Haven’t even shed any tear since I got back here, so everything is doing just fine with my (peaceful solitary) life here in Seoul.
Staying at home for two months I tried not to miss any to-do-list nor to-eat-list. I had wonderful time with all my niece and nephews, thanks to Ramadhan and Idl Fitri event, and another important agenda was meeting up with my friends. And I was so happy that I could finally meet everyone I wanted to meet and hang out with.
My biggest achievement during my two-months holiday was the reconciliation with my long lost best friend. Writing this I don’t even know how’s the best way to describe how happy, grateful and relieved I am that we could clear up all the misunderstandings and made a fresh start. Senti and I decided to “reconcile” with our long lost best friend. We just admitted that we’ve been missing her so much and we thought it was a perfect timing, so we just did it. Surprisingly, it was not as emotion consuming as I was expected, and in fact it was quite…smooth. When we first met up again, things were surprisingly no awkward at all. It was just like three best friends, who missed each other so much, hang out together again after being apart because of the physical distance caused by works and school abroad. We had a great time. And I felt so blessed that on the day I was leaving for Seoul, actually I was in a full doubt for my mood was so ruined by my professor’s e-mail, both of them came to my house. She brought nice cakes. Senti brought her positive energy. They cheered me up to finish up my packing and convinced myself that going back to Seoul that day was the best decision. They stayed until the end and bid me a cheerful goodbye until my father’s car brought me away to the airport. And apparently I wasn’t the only one who was excited about her visiting our home again after all these years, my mom was also happy. Almost all the way to the airport my mom made her as the topic of conversation, about the old times and all the questions about where she had been.
It’s another precious lesson I learn from life. Five years ago, I was a person who thought I could only forgive, but not forget. Ego ruled I guess, so I couldn’t see things clearly. But as I grow older each year and many things happened, slowly I tend to see life differently. I think when we were much younger, and were hit by a major conflict in our lives, many people think we were the most suffered living human in this universe, so that everyone who had done bad things to us should beg for our forgiveness in order to make us forgive them, but still with no guarantee of forgetting what they’ve done to us. But as we grow older and more conflicts hit us most of the time, we realize that we need to reduce the loads in our mind and heart to get a happier life by eliminating some redundant burdens. And in my case, I did that by looking back to one of the major conflicts in my life that had changed me significantly. And you know what, it can be so surprising what you find when you look back and review. I got difficulties in finding what exactly it is that I should really forgive and forget. So all this time that great anger eating me from inside and burdening my sanity was just there for no solid reason?? Well, the (review) process was not as simple as my words here, but apparently not as complicated as I always thought either.
I think in the end, everyone’s goal in life is to be happy, with all its types and scales. Sometimes happiness can be so hard to achieve as conflicts hit us from unexpected directions. One cannot judge of other’s struggle in pursue of happiness as everyone has his/her unique conflicts and unique methods of dealing with them. But I think the most important thing is we should be honest with our reality, so that we know how and where to move from this point to reach that happiness. I’m not there yet, but at least I got that one small-but-precious happiness as one of the sweet souvenirs from home.